


Finally Moving On

by musikurt



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-15
Updated: 2012-04-15
Packaged: 2017-11-03 17:27:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/384011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musikurt/pseuds/musikurt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ernie realizes he still has feelings for Justin and he needs to let them go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Finally Moving On

Ernie was a bit nervous as he finished preparing brunch. He knew he needed to have this conversation, but he also knew that Justin would not want to talk about it. He expected Justin would think he was making a big deal and tell him that a discussion was not necessary. But it was all going to be necessary for Ernie to finally move on.

"Hey," Justin said with a smile as he came into the dining room. "It all smells delicious."

"Thank you," Ernie smiled back nervously. "Everything is ready if you want to have a seat. I will be right back." Ernie stepped into the kitchen and took in a deep breath. He picked up two glasses and sighed before returning to his friend in the other room.

He stopped for a moment when Justin looked up and flashed him another smile. For so long that smile had meant much more to him than Justin ever knew. In fact, it had held more for Ernie than even he himself was willing to admit.

"Feel free to get started," Ernie said as he sat across from Justin. "We certainly don't want it to get cold."

"I'm famished," Justin replied as he started to fill up his plate. "How have you been? It feels like it's been a while since we've had the chance to get together - just the two of us at least."

Ernie tried to keep the smile on his face. It was too early in their visit to have a serious conversation. "I've been well. Busy with the potions shop, of course. Business is still continuing to exceed what I had expected, but it is all becoming a bit more manageable."

"I'm quite glad it's going well," Justin replied between bites of food. "I knew it would, though, with a genius like yours at the helm."

Ernie blushed slightly. Justin's compliments had always done that to him for as long as he could remember. He tried to fight it this time, however. This was the type of thing he was trying to somehow put in the past.

"Something like that," Ernie chuckled, fidgeting nervously in his seat.

Justin stared at him for a moment before speaking again. "Is everything okay, Ern? You seem a bit off, like something's on your mind."

Ernie put down his fork and fixed his eyes on his plate. He took in another deep breath before he said what he had wanted to say since Justin walked into his flat earlier that morning. "I need to find a way to move on."

Justin crinkled his forehead as he placed his own fork on the table in front of him. "Move on from what?" He put his hand on Ernie's, a gesture he saw as comforting.

Ernie pulled his hand away and into his lap. "Move on from you, Justin. I need to move on from you."

"Excuse me? What do you mean?" Justin sat up straight in his chair. He could feel his own heart starting to race, confusion rushing through his head.

Struggling to find what to say next, Ernie looked Justin in the eyes. "I know I said that the things in our past didn't mean much to me, but I've recently realized that they did. In fact, they still do. And I think that's part of why I haven't been able to maintain a relationship with anyone else."

"And this is my fault?" There was a tone to Justin's voice that he hadn't quite intended.

Ernie winced slightly at Justin's words. "That is not what I said. I know who you are and I know where you stand."

"Look, Ernie, I've told you before. I'm sorry I can't be to you what you want me to be. I really am. But I just know I can't be something I'm not. I accept you for the person you are and you've always told me you did the same."

"I did. I mean, I do. And I thought I was okay with it. I told myself I was. But I don't think I ever truly dealt with my feelings." Ernie could see that Justin was becoming increasingly uncomfortable with this conversation. "They've always lingered there. It's not your fault. It's completely mine. But I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

There was an awkward silence between them. Ernie was about to tell Justin to just forget he even brought it up when his thoughts were interrupted. "Ernie. I'm not sure what you want me to do here. Do you want me to walk out of your life completely?"

Ernie felt a pang in his stomach. That was the last thing he wanted. "No. Absolutely not."

"Well, I think that's the only thing I can control at this point. If spending time with me is just going to make it harder for you, then maybe it's the right choice. You've been my best friend for years and I want you to be happy." Justin had started to slouch a bit in his chair.

"Justin. Please. You know that is the last thing I would ask." Ernie put his hand on Justin's shoulder. "To be honest, I think I'm going to be okay going forward. Now that I've realized that I've allowed my feelings to linger, I can finally start to move past them. Never once have I asked you to do more or be more for me than you can manage. I've never blamed you and I've never resented you for it, even though there were times I wished it could be different."

There was a moment of awkward tension between them. Neither knew what to say next, but they couldn't leave things as they presently were.

"So," Justin said after almost a minute of silence, "what is your plan?"

Ernie laughed as he returned his hand to his lap. "I think I just need to stop comparing everyone I meet to you. It will take some effort as I've been subconsciously doing it for years, I think."

"No one quite measures up?" Justin chuckled himself, trying to lighten up the seriousness of the conversation a bit.

"Never." Ernie flashed Justin a smile which quickly turned to a frown.

Justin hesitated before asking his next question. "Ernie, what exactly brought this on? I mean, this morning specifically?"

"Well," Ernie replied, "you know my relationship history. I played like it was always intentional, but that's not true. I would love nothing more than a long-term relationship, but it never seems to work out. For a while, I've been thinking something was wrong with me." He put up his hand to stop Justin from interrupting his thought. "Friday night I realized that it's just the fact that I make excuses in my head. Somewhere in the middle of it all I end up comparing him to you or I think of how it could be with you. Not fair to you; it's all me. It's how I keep from getting in too close or too deep, I think."

"I'm sorry, Ernie," Justin said with a sigh.

"I told you it's not your fault."

"I know you say that, but I wonder if those things hadn't happened, maybe you wouldn't be so quick to push people away." Justin rubbed his eye.

"Do you think you damaged me or something? Because you didn't. This is a bigger issue I have to deal with."

Justin knew Ernie was trying to reassure him, but he still felt a twinge of guilt. "So, what specifically happened on Friday that brought this all up? That is, if you don't mind me asking."

As Ernie considered how to answer, Justin saw a hint of a smile on his face. It wasn't like the forced smile he had seen earlier. This one was accompanied by a small spark in his eyes. "No judgment?" Ernie asked.

"Never." Justin was suddenly even more curious about what Ernie had to say.

"Well, I may have had a threesome with a partnered couple." Ernie flashed him a devious grin.

"Wait. What?" Justin's eyes widened.

"A threesome, Justin. You know what that is or do I have to spell it out for you?"

Justin punched Ernie lightly in the shoulder. "I know what that is. I'm just confused about how it leads to life-changing revelations."

"Well, you've clearly never been in one, then." Ernie paused so Justin could give him another of his fake 'I'm annoyed' looks. "But honestly, I think it was the combination of letting all of my inhibitions go and seeing how the two of them are together. It made me realize that something was holding me back."

Justin pondered what Ernie said for a moment. "So, you just needed to confirm for yourself one more time this morning that it's okay for you to let those feelings go that you've been hanging onto?"

"I guess so. Which I know sounds a bit silly since I know in my head it's not only fine, but it's also necessary. I think I realized I just needed one more moment of reassurance."

"Do you feel you have it? Or do you need me to do something else?" Justin stopped short of making suggestions, as he didn't want to steer his friend to any specific action.

"I believe I do, yes. Thank you for being understanding. I don't much care for these moments when I get too 'emotional', but it helps to have a friend who gets me." Ernie looked down at his plate. "I should probably reheat this brunch for us." He flicked his wand at the food in front of them both.

"So," Justin asked as he picked up his fork, "any chance you'll tell me the identity of this 'partnered couple'?"

"Oh, J, you know I don't kiss and tell."

"All you did was kiss, then?"

Ernie kicked Justin under the table. "You know what I meant. Speaking of kissing and telling, though, how are things with Ginny?"

"Fantastic, to be honest. I think we're really hitting it off."

"That's good," Ernie said with a genuine smile. "You deserve to be happy." For once, Ernie didn't feel jealous of the woman in his best friend's life.

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place in the [Pottertweets](http://pottertweets.livejournal.com/) RP AU.


End file.
